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Mixed relationships are like any kind of relationship, they all need work, understanding each other & cultural differences, also the motive of the relationship matters, i advise people to have love as the drving factor of a relationship, if it is for papers, you are in for the shock of your life. Personally, it is working for me, i have the best husband in the world, who loves me the way iam & respects despite our cultural differences, his family is equally as nice, I can't get a better man than him. Just like all of us, none is perfect, it takes alot of respect, tolerance, forgiving..... the list goes to make a relationship work.
I believe that challenges mixed couples face are also partly due to the societies in which they lives. Some communities are less tolerant then others and this may put even more pressure on relationship that is still growing.
Because also we already expect mixed relationship to fail, it will eventually happen. Funny enough even when you come from the same country, yet from different part (tribe) it may also challenge the relationship. I think the secrets of our parents, they go in a relationship to stay, today we more move into a relation with in our mind "If it doesn't work, then I will move one". This attitude makes that we go already with the idea that it might not work, and without even sometimes realizing it, we become victim of our own thoughts.
So let be committed, not only in relationship but in whatever we do, and with a mind set that we are there to stay and not to TRY! Life is too precious!
Cheers
Mtesa
I agree that intercultural relationships have bigger challenges. So yes, it is I think harder to make things work smoothly when you don’t have the same background. In any relationship there will be misunderstandings. The difference I think with intercultural ones is the basis of those misunderstandings. In the beginning of a relationship, that basis is logically still unknown. That’s where things can get tricky and you may get some unpleasant surprises. It important to become aware of the “why” of your partners actions and choices. So a good time investor will be to discover and learn to understand your partners motivation behind those actions/choices. That can be any small or big thing. You’ll have to ask instead of filling in the blanks yourself. And that may seem easier that it actually is if you are annoyed or frustrated! But if you really feel that you love someone it will be easier to master the patience to accomplish this. The counting to ten does help!:)
I am engaged to my Senegalese boyfriend. We are both in our mid-twenties. There is a lot of love, inner connection and chemistry between us. My feeling tells me he is the one. He is the first man I lived with together and the first to be wearing his ring. There’s only one man I love as much as I love him, and that’s my dad. So that’s defiantly worth some effort!
I believe due to the outside pressure that a lot of people put on us, things were more difficult than they would have been, had it been just be the two of us (not depending on anyone else to live our lives how we wanted to). That to me was the hardest part. When you’re independent and free, live is so much easier. When you don’t have to deal with third parties who oppose your relationship and who you also depend on for some work income (and/or not to turn you in), it’s a different story. My boyfriend is an artist in the field of dance. So he gets a lot of female attention and also many people around him always claim to know what is in his best interest. That small world of the African dance followers and performers can be a very nasty one so I was to discover.
There was hardly any couple like us around; same age, both young, both not yet settled down with a diploma, steady job or income. It seemed ‘everyone’ disagreed with our relationship. (Not my or his family, to be clear.) Real love and mutual attraction between the two of us wasn’t something that many 'bystanders' seemed to be able to tolerate. I wasn’t going to give him what he needed, they all said behind my back (Senegalese ánd Dutch). “Now is not the time for love, you need to find yourself someone who can get you a permit”, they told him. There were plenty of older woman who would do God knows what to make him see just that. That was my biggest shock for real! Never in a million years had I expected people to respond to my relationship in such a way. Even though I always kept a distance between myself and that ‘world’. I found so much disrespect, resentment and utterly shameless behaviour. It took me quite some time to see the game for what it really is. And sadly it’s just a simple market and demand game. If you don’t fit in there, you’re bound to run into trouble. Which we did. I’m an idealist and a damn suborn one too, but that experience really did manage to take a bit of my naturally trusting nature away from me.
So the most difficult thing to overcome in any intercultural relationship that resembles mine in any way would definitely be: THE OTHERS. Please stuff your ears ladies and gentlemen and pay no mind to what others have to say about you and your love.
All your choices are right choices if they are taken from the heart. So don’t worry: if you are true to each other you will prevail. A lie never lasts.
